Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
