Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
