Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize