I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
