i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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