i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
