I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
