I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
