last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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