You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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