I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
