The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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