the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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