I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do herpes really smell.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
