Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
