My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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