how can u be prego again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
