Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
