New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
bring money and cleavage
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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