She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she peed on how many people?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
