So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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