I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
