she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
