I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
