She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
