If that was your dad, he is hot
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
