i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
