Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just want nice things and good sex
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
