I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
