Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
