You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
