My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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