Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
