dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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