Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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