the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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