So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
