gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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