Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
