I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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