If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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