pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
