you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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