Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My life is pants optional.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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