Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
