Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
