Don't make out with my wife yet
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
