I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
