Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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