There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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