Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
