you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
