I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
