do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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