Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
