Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
