he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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