i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
