listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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